Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
