I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
