i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
