is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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