feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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