I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
