Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize