Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
