Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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