a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
