I just threw up on my dentist
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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