It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
