Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
