Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
