I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
