the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
