the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
