You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
