Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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