I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
