I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
