you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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