I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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