with your own penis?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
