haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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