C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
