Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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