I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
