Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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