? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
