I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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