i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They are going to name an STD after you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
