And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
