Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
