So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
