my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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