haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
