woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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