gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
