you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
