i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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