Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
