Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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