On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
