If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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