And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
