guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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