im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
