I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
