I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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