just come out here and I will go home with you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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