Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
