Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize