i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
