me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize