i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
