Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
