Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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