omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
