I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
