dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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