You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
