I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
