I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
