I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
