You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
