Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
