If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
