he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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