so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
