Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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