Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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