How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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