You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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40s are totally the cure
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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