Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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